


The Birds and Bees

by MMPRPink



Series: There Will Be No Hero in the End, Who Will Rise Above [12]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, The Birds and Bees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24232108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MMPRPink/pseuds/MMPRPink
Summary: After an incident at 79s concerning the Commander, Field Medic Stab takes it upon himself to give his Commanding Officer the Talk.
Relationships: Kaeden Larte/Ahsoka Tano
Series: There Will Be No Hero in the End, Who Will Rise Above [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1311959
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The Birds and Bees

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr Prompt: Someone gives G38 Katooni the Talk. Bonus points for someone having to explain the species differences/gender similarities in awkward fashion.
> 
> Requested by: SirLoozElite
> 
> Thanks buddy! XD

_"Sex talk? You mean the bee and the flower sex conversation?_

_Your parents should have taken care of that a long time ago. Mine did."_

\- Elle Aycart; _More Than Meets the Ink_

* * *

Legend:

_ Underline/Italics: Time/Date/Scene & Year Change _

_Italics: Thoughts/Words from other characters/Communication via other means; e.g.: comlink, transmission, holo-recording/footage, Force Bonds_

**_Bold/Italics: Force Ghosts speaking/Voices from Force Visions_ **

* * *

Character Profiles:

Captain Slip (CT-4056):

Age: 11 (Actual)/22 (Physical) Years

Born: 32 BBY

Planet of Origins: Kamino; Wild Space

Species: Human (Mandalorian Clone)

Affiliation/Position: Captain of the 332nd, Leader of Akul Squadron

****

Field Medical Officer Stab (CT-24-3103):

Age: 11 (Actual)/22 (Physical) Years

Born: 32 BBY

Planet of Origins: Kamino; Wild Space

Species: Human (Mandalorian Clone)

Affiliation/Position: Member of the 332nd, Combat Medical Officer

****

Katooni:

Age: 15 Years

Born: 36 BBY

Planet of Origin: Tholoth; Colonies Region (Birth)/Coruscant; Core Region (Raised)

Species: Tholothian

Affiliation/Position: Padawan, Commander of the 332nd Battalion

* * *

_ Year: 21 BBY… _

_ Night… _

_ Time: 2200 (22:00; Coruscanti Time)… _

Canon: _Post-Blue Shadow Virus Arc; Star Wars: The Clone Wars_

( _Scene: Seventy-nines, Uscru Entertainment District, Lower Levels, Coruscant, Core Region, Galaxy-38_ )

The famous and galaxy renowned 332nd Battalion were down in the Clone only bar on Coruscant known as Seventy-nines. They were given time away from the frontline or in other words temporary leave, a short break. The men, hundreds of identical men with the same face, yet with different personalities those who can see, if willing to give the time to know each Clone. The battalion were hanging out with another, their friendly rivals: the infamous 501st Legion. The two legions are led by the famous Jedi General Ahsoka Tano and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker, also known by other names such as The Huntress for her Shillian heritage and The Hero With No Fear. The two Clone legions have a friendly, yet competitive rivalry only encouraged by their Generals as they are as competitive as one another. In terms of what the Clones know of their eighteen-year-old Togruta General, she was trained by General Skywalker himself up to her field knighting; therefore, to the 501st, she is an honorary member and the opposite is said for Skywalker. Not many know Tano's history prior to joining the Jedi Order, all they heard was that she was a latecomer, was not brought to the temple till she was eight. Her past is pretty tight-lipped and the General is cautious of who she opens up to unless it is someone very close to her. One swears she has a shield, a shell thicker than Mandalorian Iron. Despite her guarded nature, leaving only those she trusts to see her true personality, Tano is an excellent military strategist, an efficient leader, using tactics not covered in simulations, tactics from her own experience; as if she experienced the wild for quite some time. A mix of ambush and guerrilla tactics mixed with the classic Clone training, the Clones have built respect and loyalty towards her because she cared for them in return. They were her people. The 332nd are her tribe and Tano is the Chieftain and they will follow her to the end of the galaxy. Their loyalty is even signified by how they painted their armour, orange paint in the same shade as her skin, their helmets bearing her pure white facial markings. Not only they represent their General, their loyalty, but it is also their war paint. When the droids see them coming, the first thing they will see are the facial markings of their General.

While Seventy-nines is a Clone only bar, other humans and alien species visit there for drinks. Also, an excuse for the Clones to flirt and woo on a female into a one-night stand to simply warm their beds. The men of the 332nd were gathered around a table with their fifteen-year-old Commander named Katooni. She is their General's Padawan, one they are proud to follow into battle. Much like their General, the Commander also cares about them, has saved their lives more times than they can count and they are grateful for that. The Tholothian often joins them in the mess as well, talking and having food, getting to know them as individuals with their own unique thoughts and feelings, not flesh droids. General Tano normally joins them for a few drinks herself, but tonight she decided to skip Seventy-nines, wanting to check on her best friend after she was infected with the virus. That was mechanic intern Kaeden Larte, she is with them on an internship to get firsthand experience in fixing things, like ships, fighters etcetera. The young, dark-skinned woman snuck herself onto the clean-up mission and things got messy after that since the last vial containing the virus was released into the underground laboratory. They all nearly died, even with the Captain of the 501st, Rex (CT-7567), but their Commander, the intern, Commander and their own Captain nicknamed Slip (CT-4056), Senator Amidala and Representative Binks survived. They all survived after Generals Tano and Skywalker raced against time to Iego to retrieve the cure. Thank the Force, they all survived, bar a few unlucky brothers from Rex's battalion, they recovered the bodies and Senator Amidala organised a burial for them. Field Medical Officer Stab (CT-24-3103) of the 332nd, alongside Kix (CT-6116) the medic of the 501st Legion worked side by side to treat their superior officers and the mechanic intern. Suffice to say she got an earful by Stab, as well as the Captain and Commander, while Rex got an earful by Kix.

Since their General isn't with them, the men of her battalion whisper among each other figuring out her relationship with the intern, even her Padawan had it figured out. Understandably, Katooni is frustrated at her Master for hiding such a secret from her, even Kaeden. All those times Ahsoka lectured her on upholding no attachments, her Master is not only sleeping with Kaeden Larte but no doubt either her girlfriend or her wife. The young Padawan could not comprehend why Ahsoka won't trust her on that secret, Katooni has seen how Kaeden's presence makes her Master so happy, calm; light. The Tholothian could feel it through Ahsoka's Force Signature, Kaeden is her balance. More than once some of the boys have passed her Master's personal quarters on _The Hunter_ and heard someone softly singing what sounded like a lullaby; they recognised the person's voice. Kaeden Larte. Sharing a bunk with their General and singing her to sleep, some have even managed to capture a voice recording, others started humming the tune when Larte and Tano are out of earshot or not in the vicinity to avoid raising suspicions. Yes, everyone in the battalion, from the karking cleaning droids to Commander Katooni and right up to Admiral Skylar. No, the General and the intern are not as subtle as they think, in fact, they couldn't be any more obvious, some of the brothers almost retch at the sight when Tano and Larte are giving one another love heart eyes. More than once, have some of them stumbled across them both in… compromising positions that thankfully, Katooni has not been exposed to. Captain Slip does what he can to preserve his Commander's innocence and no way in Sith Hell, is he letting the two sex-crazed fiends, who act like diseased animals in heat, take away Katooni's innocence. The couple always plays the groaning 'just friends' game, as if they are thick as duracrete and blind. Speaking of that lullaby Larte sings to Tano when she is having trouble sleeping or help her fall asleep after a nightmare, it's had the same soothing effect for the Clones too. Some of them decent singers. Slip can recall one time seeing Yang (CT-1000) silently singing it Yin (CT-0500), some parts of the lyrics. The Captain began muttering the lyrics to himself.

"Day to night, dark to light. Fall the sands of time. Let the years like the gears of a clock unwind." Time? What time do his brothers have in times of war? To meet the demands of the war effort with the number of soldiers being lost, the Kaminoans are sending out troops with incomplete training, instead of the average age of nine (eighteen), they're sending out seven and eight-year-olds (fourteen and sixteen). It's ridiculous, his brothers are being treated as fodder, they die before they can even get a name, they die with just their number. Slip remembers the time he saw how much Tano really cared about her men, word reached to the Kaminoans and the GAR that one of her men: Deadshot (CT-9350), their sharpshooter was defective, he was mute; therefore, he was a hindrance because he couldn't speak. They wanted to exterminate him, put him down like some animal. Tano was furious and refused to give up Deadshot, a member of her tribe, saying he is just as helpful as any soldier; his skills are invaluable. The officials knew she wasn't going to give him to them, they'd have to fight her, and so, he was left alone. Deadshot was forever thankful to Tano and in her debt. The Captain began to frown when he noticed the Commander was taking a little longer than normal to get himself and Stab their drinks, he wondered what was taking her so long. He knew sneaking in a minor into a club was a bad idea, all sorts of danger could come unto her and not the type that would fire plasma bolts at her, these enemies come in the form of males. Now, his brothers would not dare approach Commander Katooni in an inappropriate way or that would make her comfortable, but other males would. Stab, who was beside him was furrowing his eyebrows too, the Commander should be at the bar counter still. That was when Stab began poking Slip in the ribs with his elbow, his gaze directed to the bar counter. The Captain looked over, seeing Katooni, but she wasn't alone, she was talking to… a male, not one of his brothers, a human male civilian, in his twenties. The Tholothian's body was positioned at an angle, ready to make a quick getaway, but at the same time, didn't want to come off as rude. Judging by the male's own body language, he was pretty overconfident and a bit of a lady's man, flirting… Slip did a double-take. He was flirting with his Commander and Katooni was giving all the Force damn social cues to keep going! Anger swelled inside Slip, the need to protect his Commander like he would a brother, but this was his little sister! His vod'ika! Captain Slip was going to punch the lad or warn him off, but Stab already beat him too it, pushing the lad away and gave him the meanest right hook he could muster. The random lad was knocked out cold. Slip joined Stab's side to check on his Commanding Officer.

"You alright, kid?" He asked,

"I had it under control, y'know." Katooni deadpanned, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Totally." Said Stab, sarcastically. Katooni gave him a look. She did have it under control! Did she do something wrong? The medical officer could almost read Katooni's mind and felt like crumbling under stress and worry. "Commander! This lad wanted to get inside your pants!",

"Um… he wouldn't fit inside my pants." The look of confusion, the look of obliviousness… the innocence… it was killing Stab. He was being STABBED through his heart. This meant one thing and he just wanted to cry. His fifteen-year-old Commander knows nothing of THAT, didn't Tano give her THAT discussion!? What about the Jedi Temple!? Slip put a careful hand on his Commander.

"Well… uh… to put it this way, Commander." Slip cleared his throat. "This twenty-year-old male wanted to… be closer to you and ah… quite a… close proximity and…" Slip was not trained for this. Surely by now, Katooni has reached puberty, Tholothians are similar to humans in anatomy. Puberty for Slip and his brothers hit them like a speeder due to accelerated ageing, it hits them at around six or seven (twelve or fourteen) years of age. It was the worst feeling ever. Stab on the other hand just rolled his eyes and took over.

"That lad wanted to fuck you and most likely have you knocked up!" Katooni still looked clueless, while Slip was choking on air behind him. She's not getting the point. Therefore, Stab chose the most direct… approach with words. Thank the Little Gods it was loud, so even if Stab had to scream, no one would pay attention. "THAT DI'KUT WANTED TO PUT HIS COCK INSIDE YOU AND NINETY PERCENT CHANCE GET YOU PREGNANT!",

"WAIT! WHAT!?" Katooni's jaw dropped. Oh Force, if Katooni never got the Talk, there's a high chance she doesn't know how babies happen.

"Oh, look at the time, Commander!" Stab put his hands on Katooni's shoulders, pushing her out of the club with Slip behind them to escort her back to the temple. "Better get you back to the temple before the General has a fit.",

"Wait! Stab! What did you say!?",

"Another time!" Stab replied. That's it. If the General hasn't given Katooni the Talk because she's too scared and embarrassed by it, whilst SHE fucks her own wife, then looks like Stab has a job to do; for the safety of his Commander. Once he gathers his information, notes and ask for Kix's notes too, along with his own side reading; Stab will initiate Operation Birds and Bees and he is NOT holding back. Even if it means traumatising the Commander while he's at it, but the trauma will be worth it once his Commander is well educated.

_ Two Hours Later… _

_ Midnight… _

_ Time: 0000 (00:00; Coruscanti Time)… _

( _Scene: Stab's Office, Medbay, Clone Barracks, Upper Levels, Coruscant, Core Region, Galaxy-38_ )

After the Captain and Medic escorted Katooni back to the Jedi Temple safely, even as far as comming her to sure she was safely in her quarters, the two Clones returned to the barracks satisfied. While Slip would like to return to his bunk and sleep, he was stuck with Stab in the medbay, watching his brother mumbling to himself in a panicked, worried manner; that would worry Slip himself. He knows the medical officer is prone to stress, the General and Commander don't help with his stress, Slip denies he adds stress to Stab, but really he does. Himself, Tano and Commander Katooni are the worst for giving Stab stress as his worst three patients. The Three Di'kuts, he calls them. Tano is pretty much self-explanatory, she's naturally insane, she was the Padawan of General Skywalker of all Jedi. The General is known for her outlandish plans that change on the fly, forcing himself and his men to adapt, which admittedly is good; because not everything can be recreated in a simulator. Captain Slip is a unique Clone with a unique way of thinking, it's a wonder he can work with General Tano so well and keep up with her. Some of his brothers were uncomfortable at how the Togruta's plans change so suddenly, with time they have learned to see why, how to be fluid. There's no such thing as one way of thinking and that is a lesson from the General, Slip will forever uphold.

Meanwhile, Stab is just pacing the medbay, clearly stressed and worried, plus a myriad of other emotions Slip can't exactly list or place. One thing is clear, he is worried about Katooni and her innocence. Fifteen years old and she wasn't given the Talk or what some call the Birds and Bees, to be fair, Tano should have gone through this with her Padawan. This is not something Clones can do… well… maybe a certified medic like Stab or even Kix. After what they witnessed at the bar, the Commander is in a vulnerable position when it comes to the opposite sex, same-sex even regardless of species. With the kid uneducated, she is at risk of getting herself into situations she does not understand and using the Force or even a lightsaber won't help her.

"Alright. I'm going to prepare a holo-presentation, get the Commander, sit her down and I am going to give her Talk!" Stab announced suddenly,

"Uh… Stab, shouldn't Tano do it?" Slip carefully asked,

"Do you think the General can do THAT without becoming a stuttering mess?" Slip didn't answer. "Can she give the Commander the right information about puberty, womanhood? How babies are made!? What it means when she has her first menstrual cycle and her reproductive organs are screaming at her that she has an UNFERTILISED EGG IN HER WOMB!?" Stabs' voice reached scary medic screaming level, making Slip wince. He honestly doesn't know who is worse when stressed. Kix of the 501st or Stab, they are as bad as one another, given that they were in the same classes for medicine and first-aid. Also to add… Stab was glaring at him, right into his soul. Honestly, Slip did not need that much detail about… what goes on in a woman's body when they don't get pregnant. The Captain was going to make an honest, careful reply, but the medic beat him to it. "No! She isn't! She wants to protect Katooni's innocence, whilst she runs off to bang the intern in her quarters, who are very obviously married and eating one another's vaginas!" Okay, Slip snapped and reactively, slapped Stab in the face, knocking him out of his stress. Stab paused a moment to realise what happened and surprisingly calmed down. Good, Slip wasn't going to be stabbed by a sedation syringe. "Vor'e ori'vod. I needed that.",

"Right, now that's sorted. Please don't go into that level of detail, when talking about the General and her not-so-secret relationship with Miss Larte." Pleaded Slip, "Now the image is burned into my brain." He was visibly shuddering at the thought of esteemed General and the bright, clever intern stark naked and rolling around like rabid animals.

"Ba'gedet'ye, alor'ad." Answered Stab, with a smirk on his face. Curse medics these days, they have no filter. They say everything as is! No matter how traumatising it is and… oh… Stab saw the realisation on Slip's face. Captain Slip figured it out. "I'm serious, vod. I am giving the Commander the Talk, whether she likes it or not. I don't care if I traumatise her, but it's for her safety! Okay, it's late. Get some sleep and I'll start preparing my holo-slides during the day." All Slip could think was Force help the Commander. She's going to need it, hopefully, the General is busy enough with her not secret wife that she won't hear about this. The General is probably ' _indisposed_ ' right now with the intern on bed rest after the Blue Shadow Virus mission, taking care of her… in more ways than one that Slip doesn't want to think about. If anything, those two are the worst for subtlety, it seems like they're all going to get a share of the bet. What the General and her cyare do is their privacy and their privacy alone, it's somewhat a miracle that General Tano wasn't discovered by the Jedi Order and expelled, but really… the whole battalion knows. The 332nd will come to Tano's aid should she be discovered and kicked out of the Order, they refuse to be under someone else's command. Tano is of legal age to register directly through the GAR, heck, she is good friends with the Supreme Chancellor who can pull some really good strings to get her back in command. Stopping his musings once more, Slip told his brother to sleep well - not as most medics do - and he may or may not run into him in the morning. All Slip knows for a definite, the poor Commander is going to be put through Sith Hell.

_ Four Days Later… _

_ Mid-day… _

_ Time: 1200 (12:00; Coruscanti Time)… _

( _Scene: Meeting Room, Clone Barracks, Upper Levels, Coruscant, Core Region, Galaxy-38_ )

The automatic door opened with a hiss as Commander Katooni entered the meeting room, Stab gave her the number to in the barracks. He contacted her this morning to meet for twelve-hundred standard hours. Throughout the break the battalion had while grounded from the frontline, Katooni hasn't seen much of Ahsoka, sure she has been around the temple; teaching her. However, her Master has been disappearing more often than nought and the Tholothian doesn't need to second guess where the Togruta runs off to. Katooni knows her Master has an attachment towards the Larte girl, the mechanic intern. Throughout the year under her teachings, Katooni felt hurt that Ahsoka is keeping that secret from her, then saying the Jedi Code forbids attachment when she has hypocritically broken the entire rules the Jedi Order had followed for over a thousand years. The fifteen-year-old Padawan could not understand why her Master can't trust her with her secret relationship, even if she is failing at keeping it a secret, well… both she and Kaeden. Katooni sees how much Kaeden makes her happy and if someone can make Ahsoka happy, she is very special. Being the ever-loyal Padawan, just like the battalion, none of them will ever report Ahsoka's marriage, not to the GAR and certainly not to the Jedi Council. Kaeden Larte is her Master's anchor, keeps her grounded, balanced in the Force, everyone knows unlike other Jedi, Tano is open with her emotions. She does not hold back on expressing her unhappiness, anger, affection… things a Jedi should not be expressing, yet Ahsoka tells her it is okay to feel; that Katooni should not be afraid to express herself. All the more reason the Togruta Jedi Knight is an unconventional teacher, a controversial member, perhaps even the bad apple in the tree. Yet, Katooni appreciates everything her Master has taught, she couldn't have asked for a better teacher, even though she was assigned and Ahsoka didn't ask for a Padawan.

Field Medical Officer Stab gave his Commander the gesture to take a seat, to her surprise, Slip was here as well. Why is Slip here? Katooni thought Stab just wanted to talk to her alone. She wonders what is going on. Are they discussing about Ahsoka, herself or something stupid they did? Whatever it is, Stab is going to rant. The third thing Katooni realised, she can't feel the Force and that almost made her panic. The teenage Tholothian was about to borderline hyperventilate until she saw what is causing her connection to the Force to be blocked off or cut. On the table asleep, was a lizard-like creature, measuring point five metres or fifty centimetres. It was a Ysalamir, a creature native to Myrkr, popular pets too.

 _"Oh, great. I should have known a Stab would bring Stab'ika too."_ She told herself and clearly, unhappy her Force connection has been blocked off. The Force blocking bubble Ysalamiri release is like a cocoon somewhat, it can only stretch a certain radius. The Clone medic cleared his throat to get Katooni's attention and to listen, prompting the Padawan to sit straight, whilst Slip was muttering things to himself.

"So, Commander, do you know why you're here?" He asked her,

"Uh…" Katooni hesitated before giving an answer. "No?" Well, that came out more like a question than a definite answer. The Commander just gave a sheepish smile.

"I asked you to come here, because of a certain incident concerning you four nights ago." Padawan Katooni slightly blushed, as the memory rushed forward. She was only getting Slip and Stab's drinks when a male human approached her, sparking a conversation. She didn't want to be rude, and just… listened to him, not thinking he was going to try anything. Then out of nowhere Stab comes up and knocks the guy out cold, said something that she couldn't hear over the music in Seventy-nines, before being escorted back to the Jedi Temple. "Look, lass, there are a lot of dangers out in the galaxy. Dangers come in all sorts of forms, not just the Seppies, their clankers, Grievous or the Sith." What is Stab getting at here? "Some dangers come in the form of… boys. That night being a clear example you are unprepared. That di'kut was chatting you up, so he could take you to his place and warm his bed." He finished. Katooni raised an eyebrow, still slightly clueless as she reached for a glass of water Slip kindly poured, and took a sip. "He wanted to have sex with you." The Tholothian's eyes widened and spewed out her drink… into Slip's face. Oh, Force! Stab is not doing what she thinks he is doing!

"Stab! Are you-" Katooni croaked before coughing again after the water almost entered her trachea.

"Commander, did the General have any plans to give you the sex talk? The talk of adolescence?" How Stab can keep his professionalism is beyond either Katooni or Captain Slip. "Since the General is… preoccupied, it looks like I have to do it. Be thankful I'm a certified medic and, I have prepared a holo-presentation." Stab connected a data disk into the control panel linked to the holo-projector at the end of the table. The opening holo-slide said: 'Stab's Birds and Bees Talk'. Katooni cringed, not knowing what to expect and scared, making her wish she could call for Ahsoka through their bond. She could if she wasn't Force blocked. All she knows it's going to be a long day. They saw Stab push a button for the next holo-slide, this one detailing the topics of discussion. He really went out his way to put together a holo-presentation, Katooni could not believe him. Her eyes scanned the list of topics: Introduction, Homosapien Biology, Biology of Alien Species (Togrutas), Consent and Safe Sex. Fifteen-year-old Katooni blanched, feeling her stomach turn. This is going to be a long. Kriffing. Day!

_ Thirty Minutes Later… _

_ Time: 1230 (12:30; Coruscanti Time)… _

Katooni felt like she wanted to fall asleep, her eyelids felt heavy as Stab was wrapping up his karking thirty-minute introduction on the kriffing birds and kriffing bees. The fact that a male is giving her the Talk is awkward, it would be much more bearable if she went to someone like Senator Amidala, Kaeden perhaps or go to Master Che. Nope, the Force has a messed up, disgusting sense of humour and she's stuck with Stab, while Slip looks like he's going to jump to stop her escaping with her sanity intact. As the next holo-slide materialised into view, the Commander is now jolted awake as her eyes widened, staring at the sight before her. She felt like she wanted to crawl under a rock and cry, they're now in the section for human biology.

"What the kriff is that!?" She exclaimed, startling Slip awake. He most likely dozed off himself. Stab straightened himself and began his cursed talk or lecture.

"This Commander is an anatomical diagram of the female reproductive system. Despite being a Tholothian, you share many common traits with Homosapiens, one of which, sharing the exact same anatomy of reproductive organs for procreation. It also makes explaining this much easier for me." Katooni was blanching once more, again: how can Stab be so calm and professional about this!? This is absurd! This is heresy! She tried not to look back at Slip, he's probably not faring any better than she is. The Clone Medic began pointing his finger to the Y-shaped reproductive organ. "This is an internal view of your reproductive system, so I'll break down each organ." He first pointed to the tubelike entrance. "This is known as the vagina. Its function, I will tie in, in a moment." His finger moved again. "Just before your womb, is its entrance and is called the cervix. As I said before, pass the cervix, is your womb, where the baby forms and grows; should you get pregnant." Fifteen-year-old Katooni felt like weeping. She's already dying inside and she knows Stab has more holo-slides to go through. How exactly can a female human be able to carry a baby inside of them!? That must not be comfortable. Why would evolution do this to them!? To suffer? Most likely yes. "The tubes connecting these two organs are called fallopian tubes and the said organs connected to them are known as ovaries. The ovaries are responsible for forming the tiny, microscopic unfertilised eggs." Another image shows up, a diagram of what appears to be a cellular egg, that looks like nothing more than a dot. That's what babies look like? Is that what she looked like? Katooni doesn't know much about her mother or her father. "These unfertilised eggs are about zero point one millimetre in size, quite visible to the naked eye without the need for microscopic equipment." Stab stopped for a brief moment to take a sip of water, then placing the glass back down on the table. "The egg will move out of the ovary, one egg only, through fimbria, then the fallopian tube, before settling in the womb. This then links into your Menstrual Cycle, otherwise known as your period, if the egg remains unfertilised.",

"Period? As in full stop?" Katooni voiced,

"NO!" Shouted Stab, making her jump in her seat. "In the context of Homosapien biology and physiology, you di'kut al'verd'ika! Kriff sake!" Katooni pouted at being called Little Commander. She's fifteen! "Menstrual cycle definition is the monthly series of changes a woman's body goes through in preparation for the possibility of pregnancy.",

"What kind of changes?" Questioned Katooni, almost fearful.

"Don't be scared, Commander. You hardly realise these changes happen, until you start having your period." Stab comforted, in his kriffed up, backwards way. "Your menstrual cycle can help tell a lot about your health too. Your hormones will also fluctuate accordingly to each stage. These cycles are normally twenty-eight standard days, but can be as short as twenty-one or as long as thirty-five standard days." The Padawan Learner's eyes almost bulged. The longest is thirty-five standard days!? She almost prays to the Force her own cycle only last three standard weeks! That's a much better mercy. "Now, the breakdown of each stage of the cycle." Click. A graph showing the different stages of the female Menstrual Cycle was shown before her and Slip, dotted lines dividing each of the days, strange pictures at the top and the different lines just below it with abbreviations such as FSH (Follicle-stimulating Hormone) and LH (Luteinising Hormone). There were two in full name form labelled Oestrogen and Progesterone, whatever that means. "The X-axis here is divided into three sections. The top part is Follicular Development, underneath, Pituitary and Ovarian Hormone levels and the last part is the Endometrial Cycle.",

 _"Please kill me."_ Katooni kept repeating in her head, and absentmindedly started stroking Stab'ika when he randomly woke up at some point and decided her lap would make a nice pillow. Behind her, Slip was rubbing the side of his temple, getting a headache from Stab's lecture alone. He really wanted to get out, but Stab will murder him if he tries to flee.

"First stage at weeks one to four, is when your hormone levels are relatively at their lowest activity and-" Stab begins to drone on and on and on.

_ Twenty Minutes Later… _

_ Time: 1320 (13:20; Coruscanti Time)… _

"Once all those stages are past and you haven't gotten pregnant, as your body had prepared itself for, the blood and mucous lining inside your womb breaks down, thus causing what is known as your period." He then pulls out two strange-looking objects. "To prevent yourself from destroying your sheets from your expelled blood, you and women in general have a choice of using pads or tampons.",

"STAB! WHAT THE KRIFF!? WHERE DID YOU FIND THOSE!?" Yelled Slip, spooking Stab'ika, causing Katooni to console the little guy to calm him down.

"Oh? These? I may or may not have raided Miss Larte's bunk." Blank stares. "Don't look at me like that! I can't afford them! Apart from the General and Commander, Larte is the third and only female on the ship!" Stab defended. Slip is going to have a few words with Stab about invading Miss- no… Mrs Larte-Tano's bunk, some serious words. Though, if Kaeden doesn't find out, please by the Little Gods she doesn't, they won't have to worry about a pissed off intern and she is just as scary as General Tano. In fact, when the intern is on her own 'period', she's grumpy, karking terrifying! So terrifying even the General doesn't go near her because she snaps worse than an Akul! "Anyways, a pad is simple to use, depending if the pad has wings or not, just stick onto your underwear and you're good to go. Tampons, on the other hand, you have to remove the wrapping around it and stick it up your vagina, but not too far though. I don't want you coming to the medbay telling me you shoved your tampon up too far and is stuck in your vagina.",

"Oh for the love of-" Katooni shivered, Stab'ika noticing her distress began to nudge and lick her hand. The bright side she getting some comfort, from a Ysalamir of all creatures. "Really, Stab!? Haar'chak!",

"Hey! This is educational and it's all part of the sex talk!" Said Stab. "The female side of Homosapien biology is done." Katooni and Slip were about to sigh in relief until Stab disrupt them. "Next is understanding male biology and they are responsible for getting females pregnant." Click. The Captain and Commander blanched. "I present you the Homosapien diagram of the male appendage or genital organ: the penis.",

"OH MY FORCE! MY EYES!" Cried Katooni, shutting her eyes and looking away. Her innocence is now, completely shattered. Which doesn't surprise Stab one bit. Slip was grimacing at his Commander, feeling sorry for her. The medical officer just rolled his eyes, sighing tiredly and continuing on with the part birds and bees, part biology/physiology lecture.

"In the diagram, this is what the male penis looks like in its resting state. The erectile tissue is where the blood would flow around to more or less 'harden' the appendage. Other terms you would hear is dick and cock." His Commander was looking a bit ill, looking a little paler than dark skin should be. Katooni's skin is lighter than General Windu's, but lighter again than Mrs Tano. Her skin tone would be closer to General Gallia. "Alright, we'll stop for a break. I'm actually hungry. Slip, go take the Commander to the refresher, before she… regurgitates her insides." Slip gave him a mock salute, then placing Stab'ika on the table and escorted the Commander out to the nearest refresher. Stab's Ysalamir looked at him with a sense of intelligence. "I know, Stab'ika. I know. She's just a kid, but it needs to me done." The little head titled to the side. "Don't look at me like that! This is my job!" His Ysalamir answered back with a ' _meep_ ' followed by a low grunt. "Language!" Normally GAR regulation forbids animals and pets on the cruisers, but thanks to his General who has a knack for bending the rules… or breaking regs. Because of her, he was allowed to keep Stab'ika, who was useful in more ways than one, such helping him by blocking off his two troublesome patients' Force abilities. It's a Force damn miracle, some part of Tano regrets letting him keep Stab'ika, but she has admitted he is cute and Stab'ika gets a lot of free cuddles. He is a spoilt little guy. Placing his pet around his neck, Stab left the meeting room after putting the holo-projector on sleep mode.

_ One Hour Later… _

_ Afternoon… _

_ Time: 1410 (14:10; Coruscanti Time)… _

After lunch, everyone was back in the room. Stab took a quick glance at the Commander, she looks a lot less pale now, so it is safe to carry on without the worry of her fainting midway. That would be awkward. Slip and Katooni took their seats, not really impressed to be stuck here again and it's not like anyone is looking for them right now and Tano is busy spending time with her wife before they have to ship out again. Not like they're missing any close contact with all the sneaking off they do on _The Hunter_ and ninety percent of the time, Slip swears Tano breaks stuff in her quarters on purpose to get Larte to come to her. The two are then gone for what feels like a good solid few hours and if you're attentive enough, you notice the formation of bruising on the General's neck and lekku. Though bruising there is getting less, so they're being more careful, Larte on the other hand, looks as if she was almost mauled by an animal and said animal is Tano, who is a predator! On one campaign himself and the boys nearly had a heart attack seeing their General covered in blood, carrying a dead animal. It was a small patrol, one of many groups split up to cover more ground, by the Little Gods that was the best meal they ever had, much better than the disgusting rations. They savoured each and every piece of meat and licked the bones cleans. What nearly made Slip throw up was the fact he never knew Togrutas like their meat kind of raw, that alone would give a normal person food poisoning. After that, Slip locked himself in his room, as well as Stab to do some in-depth reading on Togrutas, their habits and culture, so nothing will or should surprise them again. It works, ninety percent of the time.

"Right, where were we?" Stab paused for a moment to… are those speaker notes on a piece of paper!? "Yes, I remember now. Okay, located behind the penis is the scrotum. A think-skinned sack which protects the testes, whilst acting as a climate-control system. The function of the testes is to produce sperm and testosterone, the main sex hormone of the human male.",

"This feels like a biology class." Katooni muttered to herself, but still kind of dying inside, as she strokes Stab'ika's little head. He has fallen asleep on her again.

"A male impregnates a female by engaging in an activity known as sexual intercourse. It's a drawn-out way to say sex or other terms include ' _make love_ ' or the more crude wording: ' _fucking_ '." Slip could not help but facepalm and sigh. This is getting ridiculous. How will he explain to the General that her Padawan is traumatised after Stab!? For all he knows, this will forever put the kid off having a relationship and follow the way of celibacy. "Sexual intercourse is the insertion of the penis into the woman's vagina." Click. A diagram of… well… the male appendage… inside… the vagina.

"WHAT THE KRIFF!? NO!" Katooni wailed, waking up Stab'ika as she shielded her eyes and shuddered. Slip patted his Commander's shoulder in an effort to comfort her. "Can we stop now!?",

"No." Stab deadpanned, "This activity goes on until the penis reaches the point of ejaculation. It basically means ejecting the semen inside the female, in which contains the sperm allowing them to ' _swim_ ' for the lack of a better term. The sperm contains the male genes and once one and only one, fertilises the female egg in the womb. Congratulations, you are pregnant and won't realise unless you do a pregnancy test." He finished. Not. "Safe sex and consent will be the last topic. So," Another click. "Onto the biology of Togrutas."

"STAB! IS THIS A KARKING JOKE!?" Katooni shouted in exasperation. Slip sighed again, he's going to need quite a few glasses of whiskey.

_ Time: 1545 (15:45; Coruscanti Time)… _

"While Togrutas are fairly similar to humans, the male Togrutas like their human counterparts. Bear in mind, Togrutas are a predator species and from evolution, have inherited such. For females, they don't have periods, but they have heat cycles." Katooni's jaw dropped,

"Wait! My Master has what!?",

"Togrutas, which are theoretically said to have evolved from the same line as Akuls, have some… feline or cat-like qualities. The proper terminology for heat cycle in Togrutas is Oestrous Cycles and are polyesteus. In other words, they occur quite periodically." Stab stopped to sip some water. "Heat cycles for female Togrutas last for ten standard days to two standard weeks or more. This will occur until they mate. They also cause pain and discomfort. It is why when it hits the General, she's grouchy, her stomach or lower region is like a fist fight going on down there and will try to bite anyone's heads off should they try to approach her. She also releases pheromones in this states that basically screams a signal: ' _I want sex_ '." The medic paused to clear his throat and another sip of water. "However this cycle does stop when they do mate and the thing is with Togrutas: when they mate, they are mates for life." Katooni knows her Master is in a relationship, which is as obvious as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west! Wait a minute…

"Hold on! How does work sex for Ahsoka and her not-secret wife!?" Slip was in the process of drinking a glass of water, promptly inhaled the water too fast and ended up choking on it. His lungs racked themselves trying to expel the water. Katooni patted Slip for a moment until he stopped coughing.

"Excellent question, Commander!" He said it almost too happily and it chilled the Tholothian. "The answer is… there isn't a definitive answer. Sex is sex. The General and the intern can get creative if they want to. And no! It's not our business to know! The thing is, yes, we all know they're married. Second, no, none of us are telling anyone and third: they're mates for life.",

"Well naw, Stab! My Master couldn't be anymore obvious about that." Katooni replied in a sarcastic tone, making Stab deadpan at her. Then… Katooni shivered. "Oh Force! No! I can't believe Ahsoka is into these sort of things!",

"I wouldn't be surprised if Tano and Larte use the word ' _Master_ ' in the not so appropriate meaning." Muttered Slip, "The General might be into praise kink or her lover.",

"Depends who's top or bottom." Stab shrugged nonchalantly,

"EW! Please stop! I'll never be able to look at Ahsoka the same way again!" Wailed the Padawan,

"Sorry, kid. Bad news, even if the General mates with her wife, though she can't impregnate Larte; heat cycles will still continue." Said the medic, "Better get used to that side of the General. Especially when they both disappear on the ship." Katooni paled again. Yup, she won't be able to look at Ahsoka in the eye for a while. Hopefully, she can get away with it for maybe a week or two weeks.

_ Time: 1700 (17:00; Coruscanti Time)… _

"And that is why you always carry a condom on your person, should you decide and give consent for sex. Also, to decrease the chance of getting a Sexually Transmitted Infection or for short: STIs." Stab finished, before pushing the button one last time, showing a slide saying: 'Thank you for listening! Any questions?' Yeah… nope. Katooni spent long enough here. Putting Stab'ika on the table, Katooni shot up from her seat and ran out of the room, get back to the temple, lock herself inside her quarters and weep. Stab ran out too, calling for his Commander. "Commander wait! I was going to quiz you!",

"STAB WHAT THE KRIFF!?" Yelled Slip, ignoring the other Clones giving confused stares as they heard their other brothers jump out of the way or scream in surprise as the small teenager rushed past them down the hall. Slip gave Stab his own deadpan stare. "Happy now?",

"In actual fact… yes. The Commander is up to date. Trip to Seventy-nines tonight?", 

"At the expense of the Commander's sanity and innocence." There was a brief pause for a moment between the two. "Yes, I need a drink to forget everything that happened today!" Stab just laughed at him. 

_Fin_

* * *

Mando'a Translations:

Vod'ika: Little Brother/Sister

Di'kut: Idiot

Vor'e: Thank you

Ori'vod: Big Brother/Sister/Special Friend

Ba'gedet'ye: You're welcome

Alor'ad: Captain

Cyare: Beloved/Loved/Popular One 

Al'verd'ika: Little Commander 

Haar'chaak: Damn it

* * *

Bibliography:

Alberts B., Johnson A., Lewis J., Raff M., Roberts K and Walter P. (2002). _Eggs_. [online]. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Available at: <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK26842/> [Accessed 14 May 2020].

Bowling Green Warren County Humane Society. (n.d). _More About Heat Cycles_. [online] Available at: <http://www.bgshelterpets.com/more-about-heat-cycles.html#> [Accessed 17 May 2020].

Clayton S. (2013). _Menstruation_. [online]. Encyclopedia Britannica. Available at: <https://www.britannica.com/science/menstruation> [Accessed 16 May 2020].

Hirsch I. (2019). _Structure Of The Male Reproductive System - Men's Health Issues - MSD Manual Consumer Version_. [online]. MSD Manual Consumer Version. Available at: <https://www.merckmanuals.com/home/men-s-health-issues/biology-of-the-male-reproductive-system/structure-of-the-male-reproductive-system> [Accessed 17 May 2020].

Mayo Clinic. (2019). _Menstrual Cycle: What's Normal, What's Not_. [online]. Available at: <https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/womens-health/in-depth/menstrual-cycle/art-20047186> [Accessed 14 May 2020].

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't awkward and an enjoyable laugh at Katooi's suffering. Plus, it's been a while since I wrote something with humour. XD
> 
> Just so you all know, the references at the end was where I did my research for this. I wasn't fooling around and none of this I was bull crapping. I study Science, I study Biology, my college course is Science. So I do know and understand this stuff.
> 
> Thanks again SirLoozElite for the prompt. I am willing to take prompts, as full one-shots or drabbles on Tumblr, whichever works best. My Tumblr name is: rangerslayer-97.
> 
> You where the comment box and Kudo button is.
> 
> May the Force be with you, always :)


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